Just Another Naruto Talkshow
by OrxAngel
Summary: When the truth behind talkshow host Mina is revealed, no one who hears may be left alive to tell the story... Mostly COMEDY, May have a very small amount of brutality.


Mina: I'm Back! You better be glad!

Audience: *whispers*

Mina: You're glad I'm back, right?

Audience: *mumbles*

Mina: Because if you're not, I just might have to kill someone.... *cries*

Audience: *Silence*

Mina: *roars* Fine!! Bring in Uchiha Sasuke!!

Gaara brings in an unconscious Sasuke.

Audience: *gasps* Sasuke-kun!!

Mina: *in a trance* Uchiha Sasuke...

Sasuke: *becomes a little conscious* Mommy? Daddy? Is that you?

Mina: Uchiha Sasuke.... YOU MUST DIE!! *Grabs chainsaw and gets ready to swing it down*

At the Akatsuki hideout...

Itachi: *starts shouting like in Jerry Springer* KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM!!

Kisame: Itachi, I thought you wanted to kill him, yourself!

Deidra: Wait a minute... You're still watching... *gasps* MINA'S SHOW!!

Kisame and Deidra: *Double gasps*

Itachi: *Glares and shoots them the bird*

Kisame: *Goes dramatic* Fine! Hmphh! *links arms with Deidra and skips out the back door, right smack into Alice in Wonderland*

Alice: *Orochimaru's theme song plays on the background* What are you doing here?!?!

Deidra: We're here because we want too! Also because... My hair is b i SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOURS!/b/i

Alice: That's it! Send in the bunnies!

Kisame and Deidra: Bunnies....? *Starts laughing manianically*

The bunnies surround Kisame and Deidra.

Alice: Fire!!

The bunnies starts shooting robotic elmos at Deidra.

Deidra: Huh? It's eating me! It's eati-sdfDei!!*starts gasping*

Kisame: Dei-san!! What's happening!?! Alice! I'll kill you!

Alice: Shut it Fish-head!

Kisame: *confused* How'd you know my name?

Alice: You're an idiot... Oh well, launch the fish hooks!

Kisame: Fish hooks...?Huh?

Kisame: Wait...You mean... No...Please! PLEASE NOT THE FISHHOOKS!!

Deidra and Kisame start screaming in pain.

Alice's phone starts ringing...

Alice: *On phone* Hello? *muttering on the other end of phone* Yes boss, they're all taken care of. *More muttering on the other end of phone* Yeah, yeah, I did it, so where's my ten grand? *Mad whispers on the other end of phone* WHERE'S MY TEN GRAND! I WANT MY F*&#(&$ TEN GRAND! YOU'LL REGRET THIS! I'LL KILL YOU!!

Alice turns off her phone.

Alice: *looks at the unicorns* Looks like we have some business to settle.

Back at Mina's studio...

Mina's backstage and the audience is just watching a huge tv screen.  
This is what they're watching.

Mina: GAARA!! GET IN HERE!

Gaara: *grits teeth* What now?!?! Because I WILL NOT GET YOU ANOTHER JELLY DOUGHNUT!!

Mina: And why not? *Holds chainsaw behind her back*

Gaara: *sighs defeatedly* Because we're out...

Mina: That's okay, Gaara. For once in your life you didn't do anything wrong.

Gaara: *Gets a Murderous look on his face* ...

Mina: I'm just simply asking to please update my hit-man's list! Let's see...Please add "Alice in Wonderland."

Gaara: Alice? I thought that was a movie...?

Alice: Unfortunately, it's not. She became one of the best hit-mans in the world. *Starts whispering* They say it's really not her at all, they say it's her overgrown, evil-minded rabbits.

Gaara: Rabbits?

Mina: Yeah, so now, the hit-man...must be hit-manned.

Gaara: Wait...what? No way am I going to deal with evil minded, overgrown rodents!

Mina: Oh come on! They're just harmless bunnies!

Gaara: But you just said th-

Mina: Who cares what I just said! Just do it!

Gaara: *points at chair* What's that?

Mina: Hey,your right! What is that?

Gaara: If I didn't know any better I would think it's a camera.

Mina: Then it's a good thing you don't know any better.

Gaara: *swears*

Mina: S*#, it's a camera!

Gaara: I just said that!

Mina: You know..*looks suspiciously at Gaara* You talk too much to be a bodyguard.

Gaara: *swears more*

Mina: Once I think about it, I see that camera is gonna ruin my reputation.

Gaara: *Sarcastically* I never noticed!

Mina: *looks serious* I want you, as my one and only hit-man, to kill the camera-man, and everybody that sees this video.

Gaara: *shines* That's too many people!

Mina: Now, now, Gaara! I've seen what you can do!

Gaara: .

Back to the audience...

Audience stares idiotically at the screen... Then goes hysterical.

Audience member 1: Oh no! Mina's gonna get Gaara to kill us!

Audience member 2: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!

Audience member 3: No way! I paid Forty-five bucks to see this show, and I'm seeing it!

Audience member 4: They blocked the exits!!

Audience member 5: hey, where's Sasuke-kun?

Audience member 3: He's backstage remember?!!

Audience member 4's kid: Mommy! I'm hungry!!

The studio goes dark.  
Sand fills the room.  
Screams fill the air.  
A Terrible laugh echoes......

Alice: I'm here Mina! And I've killed your audience! Muahahaha!!

Gaara: *suddenly happy* Thanks for killing them, it saves me the trouble.

Alice: I did something...FOR MINA!! DAMNIT!!

Mina appears in room.

Mina: Ah, you're done? Gaara, you're good. I'll give you a raise.

Alice: A RAISE!?!

Mina: ...of Fifty cents.

Alice: AHAHAHAHHA!!!

Mina: *grabs favorite blanket and pillow* Good night, I'm going to sleep.

Alice: *Kicks down the door and mumbles a string of curse words*

Gaara: *plops down beside Mina and starts eating cookies*

Voices...Voices....Voices.....

Voices: iWe....Want.....Sasuke....kun..../i

Kid Voice: i Mommy....I'm.....hungry..../i

Mina: *scared and starts crying* Mommy! I wanna go home! 


End file.
